Friday, August 10, 2012


 A few days ago Carson and I made the trip to Nashville so that she could meet the birth mother of our baby girl.

As we drove along the windy roads through Tennessee my mind wandered.  I  followed the roads up and down, around tight curves and over lakes.  The weather was beautiful and the sun was out.  Sometimes it hid behind the mountain tops or the faces of rocks and there was even a section of  strong rain shower.  It felt comforting.

I knew where I was going, I had the map and the directions and had made the drive before.  I am a seasoned road tripper and have traveled by car back and forth across the country a zillion times.  I have never feared weather or road conditions.  I have made drives through the night and multiple days, and have faced my fair share of accidents or incidents along the way.  I have always made it to my destination.

Often I am surprised when people are terrified of such adventures, worried about all the things that could go wrong along the way.  I recognize that it is just inexperience, fear of  something new and unfamiliar.  I know from my own trips that half the fun is getting there.

Anyway, the point......I have been struggling with the adoption a bit, certainly more then I thought I would.  Weird things worry me and keep me up at night.  Small things scare me.  I am getting caught up in the details, the process, most of all the possibilities.  I am letting worry take over.

It is an incredible thing to depend on someone for something so huge.  I am trusting a stranger with my child and she is trusting a stranger with hers.  We are just two mothers that are scared putting our faith in each other.

Our trip went well and thankfully gave me peace.  I drove the streets in the small town that our baby will be born in and saw the hospital that we will rush to with excitement.  I eliminated a few of those unknown things that worry me and felt a smile on my face as I imagined what it would be like.  We are so fortunate to be chosen by such incredible people!  We are so lucky to be going through this at all and thats what I need to stay focused on.

Now I am back home and happy to be.  I am hard at work on the nursery and busy washing my cloth diapers and lanolizing my wool covers.  Staying busy helps.  This weekend will be spent with friends and family........relaxing, preparing, celebrating and working on trying to be brave.

image: Bea B.


Tine said...

Oh I'm so happy for you, Stephanie! You don't need to work on trying to be brave – you already are.

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