Wednesday, December 12, 2012

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
- Anais Nin

Last night we met the birth parents of our child for the first time.  I was nervous and riddled with anxiety.  Cuyler was calm and focused, as always, thank god!  

All day I wondered....... mostly about the birth mother.
What would she think of me?  What would I think of her?  How would I feel when she cried?  What could I possibly say to comfort her?  How could I ever express my gratitude?

Just like most things in life, the worry was worse than the reality.  

She was shy and quiet.  She was sad, but worked hard to keep it to herself.  She seemed thoughtful and kind, and I immediately recognized the long straight eyelashes, identical to the ones that I have been staring at day and night.  

It was uncomfortable at first, but then easier.  Eventually we smiled at the same time.  In the end the room seemed full of hope.  We hugged goodbye not knowing when, if ever, we would see each other again.

It is an incredible thing to believe in something so much and love someone so deeply that you are willing to do anything.  It forces you to be courageous because, well, you have no alternative.

Two women, two mothers, terrified and being brave........ for the same reason, for the same person.  It is a truly beautiful thing and I feel proud and thankful to be a part of it.


becoming an icon at 50 from lowell NC said...

She must have been so relieved to have been able to look in to your eyes. Yes, she was so so brave as were you. 2 selfless women.

good job

katie//salt+pine said...

It really is a beautiful thing...

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