There was a time or two (or ten) during this journey that I felt like I simply could not go on. It is amazing to me the strength that your children can give to you.
I have never cared enough about what people might think to follow through with something when I truly felt defeated. While I have always cared more then I should about other people's opinions, my fear of judgement was never strong enough to overcome fear of failure.
Everything changes when the eyes watching you closely belong to your child. Suddenly you don't have a choice. Giving up is not an option and excuses are worthless. Actions always speak louder then words and in our home we try hard to lead by example.
At times during this process I lost hope, but more then I wanted another baby I wanted sibling for Carson. It was what she wished for every time she threw a coin into a fountain, and even though I always made the same wish hers was far more important.
I will never forget telling Carson about the first adoption falling through. She choked back tears and put on a brave face. It crushed me. I felt like we failed her. She was determined to stay strong because that was what she saw us doing. Luckily we were able to keep our worry and tears tucked away until after her bed time.
The best part of bringing Sawyer home was seeing Carson with her. The child that never stops talking was silenced. She held her in her arms and stared at her and then immediately put on matching pajamas. She had been waiting so long to be a big sister.
One day, when age and maturity come between my girls, I am gonna remind them of this special day and tell them how incredibly lucky they are to have each other.
all images: Kate Belle